Have you ever wondered why people treat you the way they do? Do your kids ignore your attempts to get them to do chores? Does your boss consistently pass you over for promotions? Do you often resent having to do for everyone else?
Many of us, are not aware of the words we use or the body language we display at times. Without realizing it we may be telling the world that we don’t have the confidence in ourselves to stand up and be counted.
When you see someone who needs help is it your natural instinct to do for that person? There’s nothing wrong with helping people but have you thought about the implications? How much help is too much? Is that person capable of helping him or herself? Often, they are but isn’t it much easier for you to just tell them what they need to know or do whatever needs to be done for them? And when you help, what do you expect in return? Do you find yourself resenting that person when they don’t reciprocate in your time of need? You just gave away your personal power.
How many times have you been upset about something and when telling your story to a friend you say, “She made me . . .”? You just gave away your personal power.
When someone challenges you on a subject you know inside and out, do you stand up in your knowing or do you try to avoid conflict and use words like “I think . . .” or “I’m pretty sure . . .”? You just gave away your personal power.
If you’re not being treated the way you want and deserve to be treated, you only need to look in the mirror for the culprit. Without realizing it, we train people how to treat us. If you want to be respected, which we all do, you have to demand respect. Does that mean you stomp your foot and shout “Respect me!”? No, that will pretty much get you anything but respect.
Here are some tips:
When someone asks you for help with something they can do themselves, say, “I’d love to help but I know how capable you are and I don’t want to take away from you.”
When someone argues with you on a point and you know they’re wrong, just smile and say, “You sound very sure of yourself and I admire that. But here are the facts. . .”
When your boss passes you over for a project you know you can handle, take a deep breath and tell him you would love to collaborate on that project. Then give him some highlights of what you believe will make it a success. (Hint – don’t give him too much information or he won’t need you on the project)
The point is, you know yourself much better than anyone else. After all, who else is with you 24/7? You may have a tendency to engage in a little too much negative self talk but you know your strengths and abilities. Own your power and show people you know that you’re strong, intelligent and capable. You are awesome!
What will happen when you start using your power? In all likelihood people who think they know you will be surprised. Some will stick around and tell you how proud of you they are and how much they like the new you. Some may fall away. And that’s OK. Because those who don’t accept you as yourself are not people you need in your life. They can be toxic and you don’t need toxic people.
When you start to consistently show your true, powerful self to the world, you’ll start to believe in yourself more readily and the day will come when you speak up for yourself without even thinking about it. By showing your strong, confident self to the world, you’ll attract nurturing people into your circle and that’s what you deserve. It only takes being more aware of your words and actions and being consistent in how you use them.